I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
