i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
