i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize