The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
