I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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