I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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