what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
