he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
