it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
