At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
