I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
