bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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