For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
