you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
