In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Oh god it's open bar.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
