if you like me you must not know who I am
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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