All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I love having hate sex.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
