he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
