Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
