Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
