i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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