Where is the hickey?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
