I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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