Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
