Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
