She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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