In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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