Apparently you make a good broom.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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