I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
accomplished twins. life is a go
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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