Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
