My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
