He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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