So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
