Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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