On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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