Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
