Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All the doctor said was why
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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