Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
