i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
