Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
