i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
