Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
