She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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