you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
