And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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