dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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