To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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