yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
