at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
