Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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