Soap is not a condiment
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
