If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
