My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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