i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
