Operation Purity has been aborted
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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