He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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