It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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