You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
