Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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