I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
