Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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