dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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