Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
