Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hippo gnu deer
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
