Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
